Saturday, March 04, 2006

Rant - Bardflys Disclaimer.

Bardflys would like to point out that this night may contain adult themes. It may contains the words ‘clit,’ ‘nipple,’ and ‘writhing xylophone’ but only in context.

It may contain, whole or in portion, the phrases ‘excellent crevice,’ ‘liquid nails,’ or ‘naked naughty nuns wetly whipping with bicycle pumps above the Mandraxed stallion of my quivering…’ etc.

All of which will be entirely appropriate in the setting of the particular poem, be it an Austrian castle brimming with busty wenches straddling steins so over-overflowing with amyl and Bavarian ales that eventually they can do nought but bubble seductively down the snow white valley of their ever-wobbling pink peaked… etc

Or be it just a normal suburban kitchen in which a happy housewife is preparing a family meal, before suddenly succumbing to some strange primal urge to engage in congress with a legume and a blender in three speeds, whilst baking crystal meth and chanting the Qu’ran backwards as she softly bastes her black areolad and petticoat clad bust with chocolate icing, ‘100’s & 1000’s’ and LSD before… etc.

Which in itself will be the opinion not of the author, but rather the voice of the fictional character themselves, be they a handsome and softly self-deprecating playwright, whose failed journey through life represents a blackly comic analogy of the powerless of man in an amoral universe that even the most hard-hearted can empathise with, unless they’re complete bunts.

Or be they a stunning young Sicilian duchess discovering her dawning sexuality as she decadently explores the peasantry of Renaissance France accompanied by her bevy of hormone hungry maids and the unbridled lust of an eight-limbed alien named ‘Zartor the Libidinous’ whose strange and ever horny race alone in the universe has the ability… etc.

None of which will be a reflection of the opinions of the venue, the organisers, their families, the way they were raised, or anything they might have done with their second cousin in the kitchen, and any complaints about which can be emailed to with a full description of the offending scene, highlighting any smutty words, drug references, and un-simulated sex acts involving three yaks and an acrobat in the catacombs of Vatican City.

Because after all, at it's core, it's a family show.

Are there any Questions?

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